Sick Nurses (2007)

I saw a gifset of this on Tumblr in like 2011 and learned to pirate specifically to track it down. I loved it immediately, and that's never changed. It's beautifully structured, visceral and uncomfortable, and every time I watch it I catch something new.

Cigarette Burns (2005)

John Carpenter's entry for Masters of Horror 21, stars Norman Reedus as a defunct theater owner attempting to track down a movie that drives the viewers violently insane. Come for the dual commentary on film and the dangers of not knowing when to let go, stay for the scene where a guy feeds his own intestines into a film projector.

John Doe

Architect & Engineer

Paprika (2006)

Alright, I know it's not objectively horror, but I feel like the surrealism is close enough that I'm counting it. This movie was made for me. It's deeply, beautifully odd, delightfully unsettling, and utterly gorgeous. An instant favorite.

Perfect Blue (1997)

After Paprika, I had to check this out. I'd heard from several people that Perfect Blue was the better and stranger of the two, and... I have to disagree. That said, I still really enjoyed it, and the plot kept me guessing (which is novel).

The Puppetman (2023)

This was fun! I'm not sure that I'd call it good, but I definitely wouldn't call it bad either. I appreciated the way this movie regularly set itself up to follow the usual formula for these kinds of movies, and then just broke that formula each time. Super fun. Scroll down for spoilers if you want specifics!

spoilers below:

A couple of the formula-breaking moments I'm talking about:
Usually, these young-adult ensemble movies start by killing off the group members who have the weakest relationship with the protagonist, working their way up to the best friend and/or boyfriend. In this case, having a main character whose best friend was her only real connection to the larger group just cemented that. Imagine my surprise when they kill off her friend first!

The time-honored let's follow two characters at once, switching back and forth between them, letting the audience wonder which of them is about to get got. As soon as that scene starts, anyone who's seen a horror movie before starts guessing "alright, which one of them is gonna get it and which one is getting away." Well, the joke's on you: they're dying at the same time! HA!

The Power (2021)

This movie deeply annoys me, and I don't know who it's for. I have a longer write-up brewing, but you can scroll down to catch my spoiler-filled Cliff's Notes.

spoilers below:

This is a movie about the ways society systematically denies the survivors of sexual assault any agency. They tell this story by taking the protagonist (a suvivor herself) and completely denying her of her agency while she commits violent acts of revenge on behalf of the ghost of a sexually abused child. So we're just riding along while this woman is re-victimized by a complete lack of power over her own body or actions. And then, at the end, when it's time to get their revenge, they just... scream at the guy so hard he dies.

That's not cathartic. That's not retribution. It reeks of shit priorities; in order to make sure that our heroine is taken seriously as a survivor, we have to ensure she is above reproach, which means avoiding morally dubious acts. She can't want revenge, and if she does want it, she can't want to get her hands dirty. What the fuck is the point? Ugh.

(yes i get that it's closing the loop on the "listen to survivors" metaphor, it's still bad writing).

Pontypool (2008)

This movie was just chilling on my personal backburner for years and it was so good? I love a novel approach to a zombie-esque outbreak!

Bad Things (2023)

This movie does a lot of "ooh what's really going on it's a myyysteryyy" etc. but the real mystery is how this deeply unlikable person has not one, but two attractive ladies tripping over themselves to get in her pants.

Spoilers below:

You know how The Shining (book) is a tragic story about a man doomed to watch himself turn into a monster while he tries in vain to fight against it, and The Shining (Kubrick movie) is about a guy who can't fucking wait to get up into the mountains so he can murder the shit out of his family? This movie is queer!The Shining (Kubric movie)(derogatory).

Violation (2020)

Ok but can we talk about how long that guy had his dick out? I know this is usually where I'd talk about the plot and stuff but honestly a lot of it was overshadowed by how much shit Jesse LaVercombe did in this movie while completely nude. Where's that Patrick Steward "acting" gif? Anyway it was... good? Complicated. I'll probably have more things to say later. In the meantime: seriously his balls are just right there the whole time. Damn. Incredible work.

Barbarians (2021)

Nightmare blunt rotation.

Spoilers below:

Why would you spend the first half of your movie like it's going to have some cult shit going on, and then be like "nah it's just a mediocre home invasion movie actually." But you know, I'll give the filmmakers this: it must have taken a lot of bravery to be like "okay so we make it seem like it's one kind of movie, and then the twist is that it's actually WAY less interesting than that." I'm giving it one star for the hot shithead guy and one for getting me invested in "when will the drugs hit and what will they do."

The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)

It was fine. Some stuff was pretty good, some stuff was... less-so. But also I realized near the end that I've been seeing gifs of that one part for like a decade and damn.

Meander (2020)

They really thought they were doing something, huh.

Girl on the Third Floor (2019)

On the one hand, I really loved this movie's approach to the physical manifestations of the hauntings in this particular house. Super gross, super fun. On the other hand, boy howdy did they fumble that ending! Oof! It's still probably going on my semi-regular rewatch rotation tho.

Also this is tangentially related but I'm a wrestling fan and there's been a lot of not-great buzz about CM Punk the last couple of years, but I did like him a lot in this... also, he's so hot :(

Spoilers below:

Wait so the girl with the marbles was the titular girl (like, the one on the third floor), right? Not the main ghost girl, but the marble girl? But then... why?

Wounds (2019)

Man, people on Letterboxd hate this movie! Well, I have shit taste, because I really enjoyed it! I'm a fan of ambiguous weird bullshit, I love body horror, and I quite like watching someone just fling themselves headlong into the rabbit hole toward their own inevitable demise. It could have used some polishing up, and the visual effects were distracting, but I dug it quite a bit.

Rabid (2019)

I accidentally watched this instead of Raw (2016) and was very confused. Anyway, it was alright! Pretty wacky, mostly fun. I don't usually like vampire movies, but the Carpenter/Cronenberg-style fwibbly things was a fun addition so I'll give it a pass. Also, the cameo from CM Punk was cute. The end.

Spoilers below:

I love how becoming a vampire made her better at fashion lmao

May (2002)

So, Lucky McKee got a slot on Masters of Horror despite having only directed two movies by that point. The first of those was May, and having watched it for the first time since high school recently I've got to say: I get it now. I can't quite find the words right now to describe how truthfully this movie captures the feeling of not knowing how to connect and the desperate loneliness that follows. But also, she's right, the short film is sweet.

Love Object (2003)

I remembered watching this movie once or twice back in high school and really liking it. And you know what? Teenage me was right this movie is great. It's fun, and I know I say that a lot but I feel like at a certain point horror movies became less fun which breaks my heart. There is no point at which this movie takes itself seriously, and I love that for everyone involved (but especially me).

Escape Room (2017)

The only thing less believable that finding a working payphone in a random industrial park in 2017 is that multiple people would willingly attend that guy's birthday party.

Escape Room (2017)

"Hey, I just made this movie, it's called Escape Room, can you make a poster for it?"

"Sure. Should I watch the movie first?"

"Absolutely not."

Is it good? No. Is it the superior Escape Room (2017)? Yes. Also Skeet Ulrich is a babe.

Elevator Game (2023)

On principle I'm not a fan of horror movies that look like CW shows. That said, I did get invested in one (1) character -- when you get to the bit in the restaurant with the salt, you'll get it. Anyway, I have no idea if this movie is actually bad, but it was very much not my thing.